so i did mention that part of this journal thing was to keep cool website listings for ME too right? just found this place via a bookbinding mailing list. Daniel Smith looks good at first glance. we'll see how the prices are. wheee.
also -- spent the weekend at a wedding in Benicia (beautiful by the way) and dancing at ADY ('bout time that place came back) and catsitting (the foodle slept on my shoulder!) and playing Onimusha 2 (oh yes. the games. they call to me)
i put my entire misc. directory of pictures in order, ostensibly so i could put them into this thing to show off the true extent of my vanity. gotta find a thumbnail program first though and actually put it to use. maybe later this week. who knows.
see Brutally Ambushed, Long Distance Relationship and Philosopher
(ya didn't think i'd really be all spiritual and stuff didja? hah!)
no shower this morning. eek. i *always* take a shower in the morning. let's hear it for habits.
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want to know something i don't like about myself? after enough of time around *anyone* i feel pretty crappy about myself. example: when i started work at my latest job, i felt like i had a pretty good image. my hair made me stand out a bit, i was learning and happy. before long though, i made mistakes -- was really curt with someone important, things got too busy and i was "clippy" with people or just flat out said "no" when i shouldn't have. it's like my ego gets big -- i get a sort of "i (or my client) is entitled to this and you're not as important" attitude-apparent. and i realize it when it's happening. i realize that i'm being a bitch, and i can't stop it till i get to sit and finish whatever i am doing. then i feel like shit and often try to apologize. but that seems to just piss people off more. i really am sorry. i really do feel like i owe them that apology and that that should make things better. but so often it really doesn't.
and so i get a rep for being a bitch. and i think, after a year and a half of working at this company -- i have that rep. i get labeled in the computer as a vip because of the clients i have. and so people think i'm important. then they meet me, see me and my not-so-high-class style and realize that i'm just an assistant to the vips. and i start thinking i've blown it and should flee the situation.
that example got long. but it sketches it out. everyone starts at 100% OK with me. and I start out feeling like i'm 100% OK with myself. then time passes, i fuck up a bunch, and i feel like i'm down at 0. but everyone else is still at 100%. and i want to run away and start over.
work, friends, family. on a long enough timeline, my opinion of myself falls to zero.
so is that because i feel like that is the real me and when people get close enough to me they'll finally know it and think i'm just not worth it? no wonder i don't like myself very much sometimes.
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on a different note -- it's prolly not great for my weight for me to eat creme fraiche and caviar most nights. but it makes me smile, and i only eat a little. and the caviar isn't all that expensive. heh. i buy the cheap-oh stuff for every day eating ya know. (insert some gesture of rich-flightiness here).
last night i spent the better part of two hours watching a friend play the new Zelda game for the Nintendo Gamecube. i knew there was a reason i bought that N64 so long ago. Zelda. zelda zelda zelda! i named my Link character LEGO.
dayam that game is fun. i know it's fun because i have fun *watching* someone play it. this one, "The Wind Waker", seems made to look a bit more like the older games, pre N64. the features and items are all stylized. The smoke that gets left when things explode is opaque (which is a little annoying because you've gotta wait for it to dissipate before seeing what blew up) but styley-cool. and little Link -- oh so cute! make him walk along a wall -- sneeeaky Link.
hee hee!
wow. love dem socks!
think you can learn japanese? think again
ok. so this whole journal thing isn't so much a journal as a little show off space for things i was given, found or created that i think are cool and feel like sharing. kay? kay.
rachael sent me this: http://www.rubysasylum.co.uk/
hello beautiful line drawings. reminds me of whoever did these, which are up at my sister's place in Boston:
that was my score tonight in my first.ever.bowling.game. not bad from what i'm told.
all through high school i refused to go bowling. don't remember why exactly. i think it was one of those things that i just did because i decided i didn't like it and that was that. turns out it's lotsa fun. ex-specially with blacklights and bad/good/bad techno and r&b videos playing up over the lanes.
also: exactitudes
http://www.apocalypse.org/pub/u/hilda/gothdance.html
glorious.
i notice the clouds almost every day walking home from work. Market St to Hayes St to home. today they were huge and puffy and full and textured. really looked like something out of a renaissance painting or the ceiling of an italian museum. love this city for that.
strange how you can never remember the exact words you wanted to write down whn you thought about the thing you wanted to write about, isn't it?
what? where are the pictures i promised? (cough cough, hack) i think that's the SARS virus coming back...better go lie down.
